


hold me tight

by softsuns



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, F/F, Funeral, Nayeon really loved Momo, Why Do I Write So Much Angst, lots of pain, no happiness, this is gonna hurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-22
Updated: 2017-11-22
Packaged: 2019-02-05 07:10:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12789456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softsuns/pseuds/softsuns
Summary: nayeon's eulogy.





	hold me tight

**Author's Note:**

> sorry for the spelling errors :(

"On my way to the podium, I was wondering how I should greet you all. How I should start this speech and how I could possibly make you feel the love I felt towards Momo." Im Nayeon greets. She's smiling but it doesn't reach her eyes. Her eyes are blank, hollow, they bleed heartache and convoy pain. "I could start with the cliche line of 'Never fall in love with a photographer' but I don't regret loving her. I could start with a hello... But this feels like a goodbye to my biggest love. So, I'm trying to figure out a way to start without having my brain crash into bits and pieces. So please, bear with me." She excuses herself. She tries to make them laugh, it works for some and others just cry harder. Her hands are pressed on the podium, nails digging into the polished wood and she's scanning the familiar faces. Momo's childhood friends, her exes, her cousins, her co-workers, her students, everybody's here. Her heart aches a little more.

Nayeon holds onto the wooden surface harder. Her knuckles are turning white and her tears are finally escaping. She's cried a lot. She cried all night yesterday and the day before. She wants to keep crying. She wants to drop to her knees and cry her eyes out. Cry until she bleeds out. Cry until her heart is mended together and she's no longer feeling pain. Im Nayeon felt incomplete once again. She felt empty for the first time in long years, she felt incomplete because her other half was being levered to the ground for eternal rest.

"Momo found security in googling things. Google was her therapist. Any little thing that bothered her, Google would eventually soothe her and she'd believe anything that webpage sold her. So, I googled. I googled 'what do I do when the love of my life has been taken from me' and it took me to grieving pages. I clicked. And they said, write an eulogy. So here I am. An eulogy is something inspiring written for the person that just passed. I couldn't do that. I slammed my laptop closed and cried for hours. There's nothing inspiring on losing the love of my life. All I can do is talk about her because that's all i really know what to do." She laughs bitterly and the hold on the brown wood is softer. Her tears are streaming and she's glad. She can hear Mina sobbing.

"Hirai Momo was twenty-eight years old. She was loud. Extremely. I remember sitting with her on our first date and she spoke. And spoke. And spoke. She loved speaking. We spoke for hours. We walked home and we kissed. Momo promised a second date and I couldn't say no to her. Our second date was at a park. A lovely park by her old apartment. She took a blanket and we slept together. I heard her mumble in her sleep and I couldn't help but scoot closer. I wanted to hear what she said. I wanted to know more about her. But that could wait, I decided-- as I turned around and went back to bed."

Nayeon's rambling but her words are clean. The pain in her voice is evident. She's heartbroken, she's torn and she can't do anything about it. About losing her loved one. Mina, Momo's eternal best friend is crying. No, she's splitting in half. This is ruining her. Her best friend is gone and she can't do anything. She won't ever hear her laugh, she won't ever hear her angrily rant, there's nothing anymore and she's going to have to live with that fact.

"Our next date came a few months after. We would text everyday though, we'd skype too. She had a busy job and I was busy with my flower shop. We seemed to compliment each other nicely. I knew I was falling in love. But I didn't voice it. I didn't say anything. I was scared. I was scared of her. Because she was the only one that knew me, more than I knew myself. What if she got scared? What if she got tired? What if she left? There was too much doubt." Nayeon opens up and the sobbing in the room soothes. Almost clinging to her words and she's suddenly self concious because she can't stop crying. She can't stop feeling the rip in her chest.

"The day I actually told her, was a beautiful spring day. She had volunteered earlier that day at a coffee shop and she'd call me to pick her up. She was out in the sidewalk and she sang. I don't remember what. I knew it wasn't in Korean, nor in English. But she sang as the rain dropped on her. Her brown eyes were sparkling and there was a beautiful smile on her face. Her current (at the time) blonde hair was pulled into a bun and she wore this choker I had bought her. I almost choked on my expresso when I whispered those words to myself. I whispered a simple "God, I love you."-- I almost U-turned and went home."

Nayeon wipes her eyes, not once stopping her chain of words. "Everybody spoke about how lucky she was. How she was the luckiest woman ever to be holding my hand. I remember the beautiful smile of pride that'd cross her face. But she never once understood that I was truly the lucky one. I was lucky because she loved me. A beautiful person loved me. She was a person that held hope, held love, held thoughts, wanted to change the world even if she was small. She didn't want to change the world with a cure, she didn't want to change the world with her words; She wanted to change the world with tiny actions. She wanted to change everything with a 'hello, how are you?' or a 'have my umbrella, keep it.'-- I hope she knows that she changed my world. She made me the happiest person I am today..." She trails off and she's trying so, so hard.

She lets go of her deadly clutch, the little sanity running through her body as she raises her hand. She takes a shaky breath as she shows the diamond ring with a stunning golden accent. "We chose this ring, only three weeks ago. We were planning to propose to each other. We knew we were both going to do it. We were just weary of when. And how."

Her bones were aching, body trembling as her sobs pick up again. Nayeon gathers the little strength she has and turns behind her. The coffin is a few feet away, yet she's fine where she's standing. Any closer and she'll beg for somebody to bury her with Momo. But even though of the distance, she catches Momo's glowing skin and the soft pink on her lips. Her hand is clamped instantly over her mouth and her eyes are shut as she sobs into her skin. The only thing holding her together was inches away. And she couldn't touch. She couldn't see. She could barely breathe. She was breaking from the inside out.

"She's wearing... the dress I bought her and... I'm so sorry." Nayeon says after she manages to catch a break. She knew that everybody was watching, listening, clinging to her to be strong but she couldn't. Oh god, she felt so destroyed. She couldn't handle this.

Nayeon takes a step forward, her own frail hand coming to touch Momo's cold one. She catches the matching ring on her finger and her throat clutched. The situation was finally kicking in and she feels like the whole room is spinning. Momo's eyelids are closed, her lips pink with tenderness but no solid heartbeat. Momo was finally gone and there was nothing she could do. Nayeon couldn't join her either. She couldn't save her. Momo wouldn't be there, the mornings where they'd kiss and nights where they'd slack off. Everything was gone forever. Burned into Nayeon's memory.

"Nayeon," Mina says, her voice is fractured and she can't stop sniffling. It's faint. She's trying to bring Nayeon back to reality.

"I can't... I can't say anymore." Nayeon finishes. She looks away from Momo, eyes red and face swollen. She's barefaced. "I can't feel my heart anymore but please... please know this. Please know that Momo was loved. Please know that I loved her more than anything in this world..." She trails off, almost finished when she says.

"Momo. If you can hear me... please know that I love you. and I'll love you forever."


End file.
